Strike 3... you're out
I have decided to be honest...
I am having a great time here, i've done lots of great things and met many new amazing people.
But
I'm struggling
really struggling
Me and Em tried our third church today... all of them have been full of lovely people, but just... i don't know not us. I've realised however it's prob not the churches... it's me... i don't want to be there.
I think God has disappeared...
I feel really alone. I miss my parents and my friends at home - i miss having adults i trust that i can go round to and talk to about God things. I have so many questions and no where to take them. I pray and it seems like God is just going yeah ok. I feel constantly guilty over everything, which is stupid becuase the Bible says there is no condemnation in Christ... i'm so fed up of feeling fed up.
Sorry to just throw this on my blog but i thought i'd be real, i am having fun and enjoying some things but i'm also really finding things hard.
xx
I am having a great time here, i've done lots of great things and met many new amazing people.
But
I'm struggling
really struggling
Me and Em tried our third church today... all of them have been full of lovely people, but just... i don't know not us. I've realised however it's prob not the churches... it's me... i don't want to be there.
I think God has disappeared...
I feel really alone. I miss my parents and my friends at home - i miss having adults i trust that i can go round to and talk to about God things. I have so many questions and no where to take them. I pray and it seems like God is just going yeah ok. I feel constantly guilty over everything, which is stupid becuase the Bible says there is no condemnation in Christ... i'm so fed up of feeling fed up.
Sorry to just throw this on my blog but i thought i'd be real, i am having fun and enjoying some things but i'm also really finding things hard.
xx
posted by Twenty Something @ 1:03 pm
10 Comments:
At 4:12 pm,
Anonymous said…
Hello Helen
I know you don't know me, Sarah's Mum, but I wanted to say a big thank you to you for being a good friend to Sarah. It has helped her to settle-in well to life in the USA and eased our minds greatly to know she has such good mates with her.
However, I am really sad to read that you are not so happy. You are grieving for the loss of good friends and fellow believers, and it is bound to make you question your beliefs and you will naturally feel sad, angry, reflective. BUT, please try not to feel guilty and weigh yourself down with what-ifs because it won't fundamentally change anything for you. Unlike you, I am not a regular worshipper but I am convinced that you carry your Christianity deep inside you and it is reflected primarily in how you behave towards others and yourself. I also believe, for what it's worth(!) that those who have died can see us and want the best for us, and I'm sure your friends would, above everything else, when thinking of you, want you to enjoy and make the most of your time in USA.
It's only my thoughts and you can do with them what you like but I know Sarah will do her best to be a good friend to you and is willing to listen if need be.
God Bless xxxx
At 6:07 pm,
D Baynham said…
Sorry, but I have to reply to what Sarah's mum said:-
You do need fellowship and the companionship of fellow christians it susstains you and helps you to grow in faith. I am praying you will find a church you feel at home with, is the CU any good are you in a house group? Also the Dead cannot see you, how awful if they could see all the grieving relatives, and what about when/if they see you do something, like find a new partner? or have an accident and they can't console you?
Once dead and if you have given your life to God you will be in Glory with God, no where else.
Sorry I had to get that off my chest, Helen I am always here on MSN if you need to talk, we'll get you a church, I pray it wont take too long.
At 6:37 pm,
Robbie, Rudolf & Rusty said…
I'm with Dave - echo everything said. Sorry Sarahs mum disagree with same points as Dave. Only God see's, cause if they could see it would mean I could talk to my husband and my friend - but know I can't. I do however agree that they would want the best for us, cause they did when they were still with us :-) But God sees everything and consoles us in our grief.
Helen I'm gonna look for a church for you. Will e-mail any I find. Love you lots
At 6:39 pm,
Robbie, Rudolf & Rusty said…
Must add - friends console too and we are all in this together - however far away we are from each other. Hugs
At 6:56 pm,
Lady Tottingham said…
Helen sweet- I am right there with you... x
At 8:03 pm,
davebateman said…
Oh Helen! You didn't say you miss me and I am shocked and offended! ;-)
God loves you and is always with you - Fact.
I just read your blog and decided I may fly out and suprise you... until I found out that it would cost me $1670.
But the thought is there!
At 4:40 am,
Fabparental said…
Thank you so much to Sarah's Mum for your blog. I will try to encourage and support Sarah in the same way if she has any concerns while away. Sarah and Emma are a tower of strength to Helen for which Tony and I are grateful.
At 6:20 pm,
Anonymous said…
Hi Helen its Emma's mum . . .
So sorry you are feeling like this I know Em is struggling with similar feelings too so glad you have each other to talk too - don't want this to sound like a platitude as it comes from the heart - just wanted to let you know you are not alone - there are a lot of Christians who have gone through and go through what you are feeling about God at the mo - it can feel a bit like being in a wilderness but just wanted to reassure you that even though you are finding things really hard (especially on the 'faith front')God is never going to abandon or let go of you. That's His promise to you - He loves you Helen, He doesn't want you to feel guilty (give the guilt to Him and ask Him to deal with it -don't be tempted to pick it back up!) guilt can tie you up in knots and get heavier the more you hold on to it. God can never disappear even though you may think everything is in a mess right now -
He has plans for you,Helen, to bring you a future and a hope.
I'm so thankful that you are all looking after one another-I am thinking of you (and praying for you). Love and prayers x
At 7:47 pm,
davebateman said…
May I just say...
Check out the technical parentals!
I applaud the mothers!
woo!
At 9:04 am,
The Random One said…
You know u have support from everyone in Sutton and across the UK, emails , texts and msn aren't the same as having those face-to-face conversations but they are important nontheless at tiems like these to keep in touch....and for us all to encourage/lift each other up. Our faith is tested at times like these but like Dave Bay & Heidi have said.... Matt & Chris want us to be happy, to keep on the journey of life no matter how tough the battles become for we know in Christ that we will be victorious over our troubles.
We'll Skype soon..... looking forward to the challenge!!
=)
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